Friday, April 27, 2012

Empty promises of the second trimester...

Pregnancy is bullshit. People (celebrities) totally romanticize being pregnant and it needs to stop. Kristin Cavallari has said that she hasn't felt sick at all, just really tired from time to time. Tired? I've been tired for the last 26 years. They say that in the second trimester you are supposed to feel energized, but I am still sleeping 10 hours a night plus a 1-2 naps per day. I also may have taken a nap in Costco three days ago.

And this Victoria Secret model just needs to go away. I never thought a pregnant woman could make me feel bad about my body...

She also has had no morning sickness and just looooves being pregnant. Now, I am starting to "enjoy" my pregnancy a bit more. The bigger my belly gets, the more I feel proud of what an important job I am doing right now (sorry babe, I can't wash the dishes right now... I'm WORKING). But while I have been blessed with a baby, I have not been blessed with a super easy pregnancy.

Pregnancy glow? This is not real. For me, I guess the "glow" could be a combination of rosacea/dermatitis that I can no longer treat with medication, as well as the incurable acne. And I don't really have a pizza face or anything, but I am totally rocking pizza arms, pizza shoulders, and pizza back. It's gross, and I can't reach all these terrible eruptions. Unfortunately, my husband is not obsessed with popping other people's zits like I am, so I have to just WAIT for these things to resolve on their own. Completely not my style. 

I was also told my hair would gain some thickness to it, which I was REALLY looking forward to. I was one of those kids that had a combover until elementary school because my hair is just so fine and sparse. So when I heard that pregnancy would help my hair thicken up, I was at least looking forward to the bald spot where I part my hair to disappear. Psh, I am still shedding like Christine Taylor in "The Craft" every time I get in the shower...

"It just keeps falling out!"...

And so while the hair on my head continues to disappoint, all the other hair on my body is growing like there's no tomorrow. I think I am developing what we called in high school a "treasure trail." My husband has corrected me that no, in fact, it's called the "path to paradise." He also claims that he "started" the thumb ring trend in high school. I don't even know where to begin on arguing against that statement. 

Oh, and this is what a toddler with a combover looks like...

Ironically, I have thrown up more in the second trimester than I did in the first. I've felt like 100 times better, but I've finally experienced true morning sickness where you get sick like clockwork every day when you wake up. It's not so bad, but all of our bathrooms now permanently have some sort of bedding on the floor. This part, the being sick part, is whatever. I'm dealing and it's fine.

I have had one MAJOR breakthrough in the second trimester. I CAN POOP AGAIN! I would like to mention how much people offer advice/help when you tell the entire world via your blog that you're constipated. To all of you that came forward with suggestions, I love you. 

Love,
Lauren


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