Some last minute things you need to know before you pop that baby out...

As I have mentioned about a hundred times, I was so so prepared for childbirth. Not only from a medical point of view, but also in the terms that I had bought a new robe for the hospital and ordered handmade slippers off of etsy. I also had an arsenal of postpartum recovery products from panty liners to dermaplast. Most of what I brought was a total waste, but there are definitely a couple things that you  might want. I know a ton of people that are pregnant right now, so the timing seemed right to share some insight on what really happens in the hospital. Keep in mind, I had a vaginal delivery and I am not in tune with the differences that having a c-section will create during your hospital stay.

What you are about to read is a lot of information, but it is all helpful. I'm not going to waste time making some cute print out list of what you need, because that means this post would probably never get published. I'm giving you the facts, and that's about it.

Things to keep in mind at the hospital:

-Most likely, you will be getting an IV. Make sure to ask that they give it to you in your non-dominant hand/arm. I had mine in my right hand and it was really uncomfortable. Although I wasn't hooked up to anything after he was born, they kept the needle part in for at least a day I guess in case I needed blood or some type of medication? Anyway, that's a really simple request so be sure to ask!

-You want an enema. I'm pretty sure it's standard practice at most hospitals to administer an enema during labor, but I've read some things here and there that makes me think some people don't get one. You want one so that you know what doesn't happen when you're pushing. More importantly, regardless of how your baby came out of your body, you want to delay that first bathroom trip after birth as long as possible. 

-On the same note, the SECOND you get in your postpartum room, badger the nurse to give you stool softeners. If they brush it off, do not give up and keep bugging them about it. And keep taking them the entire time you are there, and when you get home. I didn't have any issues with this topic, but I am glad that I made sure not to risk it. 

-Take everything you can from the hospital. You pay for everything in that room whether you use it or not. Take home all the sitz bath, and the granny pads, and the mesh boyshorts, and the pee pads, just take it all. If you run out of anything, you make the nurse brings you more. Oh, and you can also pretend that you run out of something and then ask for more as well. I did that with HCl cream and dermaplast.

-Just know that you are going to be bleeding a lot, and for a while. Those panty liners that I talked about up at the top? Hahahaha what a joke! I was seriously wearing what could almost be considered a diaper the entire time I was there. Click here to get a visual. With that in mind, you mostly likely will not be putting on real panties or wearing pajama bottoms until you leave because everything is just so messy. For this reason, you really do need a robe that is a decent length. 

-Get up and walk around. I was in so much pain and could barely move so it didn't occur to me to get out of bed other than to use the bathroom. On the last day the nurse was like oh you should probably walk around so you don't get blood clots. Yeah, information that could have been useful to me on the first day. It's no big deal, just force yourself to get up and move around as much as you can.
-Finally, you need to know, because NO ONE EVER TOLD ME, that you get really swollen after childbirth. If you think your pregnancy swelling couldn't be any worse, you're wrong. My legs looked like a cabbage patch doll. It was awful. I just want to let you know so that your heart isn't broken 3 days after birth and you realize the swelling is not going away.

Stuff that you do or do not need...
-Don't bring any nice pajama bottoms. Honestly, there's a good chance you could get blood on them.
-But, your husband does need to bring pajama bottoms. Tom forgot and had to sleep in his jeans both nights.
-Definitely bring a pillow or blanket from home that you like.
-I never wore makeup or did my hair while I was there, because I basically felt like I was recovering from a vagina-on collision with an 18 wheeler. But if things go better for you, it might be worth it for the sake of pictures.
-I brought an ipod speaker dock for the labor room, and I really enjoyed having soothing music while I was in labor.
-The hospital will have white onesies or shirts for your baby, so don't worry about bringing basic stuff like that. Just whatever you want to bring him home in will be fine.
-Bring a towel and loofa/washcloth. The towels at the hospital will most likely be the size of a placemat.

For when you get home...
-Be sure that you have some decent pajama pants to wear for a while. I never wear pajama pants, so I didn't have any good ones that fit. My mom had to go on a mission to the mall to get me some because there was no way I would let someone see me in shorts. Target would have been fine, but I appreciate the Nordstrom jammie bottoms she got me.
-I didn't wear nursing bras when I was nursing. I just wore really soft... yoga bras? You know, the really thin and stretchy ones. I found those were way easier to just pull up or down than dealing with the nursing bra thing.
-If anyone asks you what they can do to help, tell them to bring you dinner. That was by far the best thing anyone did for us. One time my parents brought us steaks from Perry's, and for the five minutes I was eating, I felt like a normal person again.
-If you have dogs, it would be ideal if they could stay with someone else for a few days. I think our dogs lived at Tom's parents house for a week. If you can't arrange something like this, I don't think it would be the end of the world. Plus, we have two herding dogs that are very high maintenance, and we didn't want to introduce them to the baby when everything was still incredibly stressful.
-You will need pads. If you're like me, you haven't bought a pad since 1997. This really stressed me out. There are all these stupid options out there, and I had no idea what I needed. I will say though, after the first week, the pad thing really didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

My last piece of advice is pretty important. Just prepare yourself for the fact that you are going to pay a lot of money for the birth. And just when you think you've paid everything, your child turns 7 months old and you get another bill for $600. I called the hospital ahead of time to estimate the cost of our stay. Well, they were pretty accurate about how much it all cost for me, but they failed to mention that none of the estimation includes anything for the baby. So far, we've probably paid about $1300 for Henry's stuff, and he was so healthy that he didn't have even one tiny little minor "extra" thing to make the bill more expensive. Maybe your insurance is way better than ours, so it won't be a problem. But either way, I just want you you go into it knowing that everything for you and everything for your baby is charged completely separately.

Also, if your hospital has a nursery, don't feel bad about letting the baby stay there for a few hours so you can get some sleep.

Read Henry's birth story here for more info.

Love,

Lauren

Henry's birth story Part II...

Let's get right to it.

When I had completely dilated to 10cm, the nurse told me it was time to push. It wasn't time to push Henry out, but it was time to push him down and get the ball rolling. The doctor didn't even come in for this part. It was just me, Thomas, and the nurse. I had stopped pushing my epidural button 30 minutes prior so that I would get some sensation back for pushing, but I was still almost entirely numb. After the first push, I told the nurse that it just like "thinking really hard." I am pretty sure nothing happened for the first couple of pushes. But as I pushed harder, and became less numb, he started slowly moving down. Not that I could tell, but that's what the nurse said. She also said she could feel his head and that he had a ton of hair. 

This whole pushing but not pushing thing went on for over an hour. While I was pushing, the nurse was helping by massaging/stretching my baby hole to help Henry come out easier. Yeah, you heard me. According to Thomas, he saw everything, and we've just left it at that. Oh, the nurse also mentioned that I had a "mack truck pelvis" and I wanted to be sure and share that with a public audience.

Finally, the doctor came and it was actually time to try and pop this baby out. Because Henry had passed meconium, he told me that he would have to be handed off to the neonatologist immediately to do whatever it is that they do in that situation. This meant that he also would not be placed on my chest immediately, and that all my Kourtney-Kardashian-pull-your-own-baby-out dreams would be over. It surprised me how much in the moment I really didn't care. I was so determined to just get it over with that disappointment didn't even cross my mind. 

The next contraction came, and the doctor was still getting ready so I asked if it was ok to push. He said to go for it, and BAM. Henry was born into the world on October 9th, 2012 at 2:44pm. In one big push. As he was coming out, my doctor remarked at what a big young man he was. I never had size scans for Henry late in my pregnancy, so we had no idea that he was going to be a huge, 9lb 6oz baby. My vagina also had no clue, and definitely paid for it. 

As a teenager, when I heard that you tear during childbirth, I was so horrified that I couldn't even grasp like where or how that happened. But it happened to me, and it was awful. The first 30 minutes of Henry's life was me getting sewn back together by my doctor. He said that it wasn't like a number of stitches that could be counted, and that it was more like a continuous stitch. Awesome. The good news is, everything is perfectly back to normal now. I have no idea how that works, but I swear it's like it never happened. But one thing I would like to say is, that vagina repair part of birth was really painful, and although it mostly had worn off by then I was so incredibly thankful to have some epidural left in my system. For that reason alone, I will probably chose to have one for sure at my next birth. 

Finally, Thomas brought over our sweet baby, and I got to hold him for the first time. He was such a little angel, and I couldn't believe that he was here. Obviously, everyone thinks their baby is the cutest ever, but seriously, Henry was the most handsome little baby I have ever seen. In those first few minutes, we nursed for the first time and he latched on right away. Seeing your child that is about 10 minutes old immediately know what to do with a boob is the sweetest thing in the world, and you can't help but be proud that they are already doing such a good job at being a baby.

Everything went to hell after that. I don't know if it was from the epidural or what, but I started to feel like I was going to faint and then I lost my hearing. They quickly brought someone in with those smelly ammonia things, and I came to, but it was kind of scary. Then I had the shakes. Then I threw up. At this point, they took Henry to the nursery and they made it clear that my time in the delivery room was up. With the help of a nurse, we rolled my half numb body into a wheel chair and I went to my postpartum room. 

I have a lot to report on the postpartum recovery process, because it was lengthy and complicated. I feel that women need to know that for every story you hear about some woman jumping out of the bed and showering right after birth, that there is story like mine in which you can barely walk for a week. 

I want to say thanks for reading the story of Henry's birth, and for following along through my experience as a pregnant lady and new mom. As much as I complained about everything possible, I am so beyond blessed that I could get pregnant, never had any complications during pregnant, had a relatively easy birth, and now have a perfect little boy. None of that is lost on me. 

Last, but not least, here is a little video I made that features some footage from the actual birth. Enjoy!

You can read PART I of Henry's birth here. 

Love,

Lauren

Henry's birth story Part I...

This is a little late, but I finally want to share Henry's birth story. If you can remember, I was basically running for president of the united states of natural births. We had a very well-researched birth plan, and I was totally committed to doing everything I could to have a birth with as little medical interventions as possible.

Well, pretty much the only part of our birth planned that ended up being useful was the correct spelling of our names. The 20 copies of our birth plan that we printed out may as well have been used to soak up amniotic fluid from our hospital room floor. I refused to be induced and went 10 days past my due date to let myself go into labor naturally. At 10 days, my doctor pretty much gave Henry an eviction notice and scheduled my induction.

The morning of the induction, I am pretty sure that I lost my mucus plus. And while we were waiting outside Labor & Delivery to be taken back (for TWO hours), I started having contractions. The contractions were nothing new, but it was super uncomfortable to be going through labor in a plastic chair. But all of this was was overshadowed by the sheer thrill I got when a mom and teenage daughter showed up and they were BOTH PREGNANT. It was like all my teen mom dreams came true.

Once we finally made it into our room, our amazing nurse got down to business. Within five minutes I was enjoying my enema, and spent the following hour in the bathroom. Unless you want to risk pooping during labor, you want the enema. It's no big deal, just do it. At one point Thomas was asking me some very trivial question through the bathroom door, and I yelled back "why don't you ask me this later, when I'm not shitting my brains out."

There was no time before they hooked me up to an IV and started the pitocin aka devil juice. The doctor also broke my water at the same time. Pitocin makes your uterus contract and can speed up labor. But because these contractions are being produced through a synthetic drug instead of your own hormones, they are a million times worse than regular contractions. They come fast and hard, and it was only about 15 minutes in that my resolve to not have an epidural began to wane.

The only thing that kept me from getting an epidural sooner was knowing that I would be confined to the bed once I got it, and I still wasn't 100% sure that the enema was completely "done." Finally, I could take no more and ordered an epidural. I should have asked for it sooner because having horrendous contractions while someone shoves needles and tubes in your spine is not something I would recommend. I was surprised by how uncomfortable the epidural was. I am not afraid of needles, but I could feel everything being put into my spine and the pressure was kind of scary. Plus, some nerve was being activated because I kept getting these lighting bolt pain surges in my left hip. But when it was all over, the relief was amazing. It felt like a warm tingly sensation that started in my pelvis and just kept getting higher and higher as time went on. I could still wiggle my toes, but other than that I was pretty much paralyzed.

The epidural not only physically relaxed me, but I was also like half drunk from it. I remember telling our nurse that she should go take a lunch break and call her family, because I was fiiiiiiiine. For the next couple of hours I let the medicine do it's job and I basically just napped on and off. I cranked up some soothing spa music I had downloaded, turned down the lights, and drifted off to sleep while Henry continued to descend down the birth canal.

It was very surprising how quickly things progressed. Every time they checked me, I had dilated another 2-3 cm. This actually kind of freaked me out because I felt like it was happening so fast and that I wasn't quite prepared to actually do this birth thing. Despite the hundreds of hours I spent googling birth questions, I was still inevitably unprepared. Then they told me it was time to push, and I couldn't believe it.

Stayed tuned for Part II. Things get real in Part II. Lots of talk about gross birth stuff that I know you're dying to hear. In the meantime, here are some pictures from that day.

On the way to the hospital at 5am...

So glad we got there on time to wait around for another two hours...

Labor...

You can read Part II of Henry's birth story here.

Love,

Lauren

Our birth plan of broken dreams...

I am hoping for an unmedicated birth. There are so many reasons I feel this way. Some are research-based and some are ME-based. None of my reasons are "judge other moms who don't do the same"-based. Just to be clear. Statistically, in normal pregnancies/ births, unmedicated births tend to have less complications and a slightly lower associated csection rate. Let's all just relax and agree that statement is generally true. There are a lot of very specific reasons I want to forego drugs, and I am happy to tell you all about them if you're interested. But there is one VERY specific reason to get pain meds: BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DYING. And I got a taste of that on Saturday night, and seriously, I've never felt more empathy for other humans in my life.

Anyway, in order to prepare for the arrival of our son, I have spent a lot of time educating myself about all types of births. And that is really the only thing that I feel very strongly about: birth education. No matter what your birth plan is, you have nine months to prepare. Get your ass to Barnes & Noble and read a book. I say this with some attitude because it is amazing to me when I talk to other pregnant women and come to find that they are less prepared for birth than the liars on "I didn't know I was pregnant."

Today, I am here to talk about birth plans and our birth plan. Hospital births have become so routine (around 90% of women get epidurals in major hospitals), that if there is anything specific you want for your labor, it's a good idea to get it in writing because nurses/doctors are going to do whatever the "norm" is unless you specify otherwise. Of course, you can't "plan" birth, but when there are no red flags or indication of complications, you can reasonably assume that everything is going to turn out ok.

We gave our birth plan to the doctor last week, and let's just say that A LOT of it got shot down (highlighted in red). The really annoying part is that all the things he refused are backed up by research AND were taught to us by the hospital birth class. Like intermittent fetal monitoring. It's not like I just read it on some pregnancy blog and slapped a birth plan together.

If you are SUPER committed to getting your dream birth, I'd recommend going to a birth center and/or interviewing a lot of doctors/midwives. At this point, the things I am having to be flexible on are not worth changing doctors or hospitals, but I can see other people feeling very differently.

So here is the plan. I am just providing it in case you a. are wondering what the hell a "birth plan" is or b. are looking for an example of one for your own birth. We called it a "wish list" so that it seemed less demanding/confrontational. Surprise surprise - doctors and nurses don't like to be told what to do by first time know it all moms like me, so I tried to be as unagressive as possible. Also, I'm a huge baby and find ordering pizza to be slightly more confrontational that I am comfortable with.

BIRTH WISH LIST

Patient: Lauren Dougherty

Father: Thomas Dougherty

Doctor:

To hospital staff and all care providers,

We are committed to a natural and unmedicated birth. This birth wish list is based on the assumption that labor and delivery will be without complications that are a threat to the health of mother and/or baby. We fully understand that the introduction of elective or necessary medical interventions can drastically change the options available to a laboring mother. We are prepared to be flexible, but would like to actively participate in any discussions that deviate from the following wish list.

We have chosen our doctor and hospital based on a trust for the quality of care and expertise of the care providers, and we appreciate your support and sensitivity during labor.

ADMINISTRATIVE WISHES

• It is our understanding that there are two rooms that offer a bathtub. If a room with a bathtub is available and membranes have not yet ruptured, we would appreciate being assigned to one of those rooms. Lauren would like to use the tub and/or shower as a means for natural pain management.
• We would prefer to be assigned a nurse that is comfortable with and supportive of natural birth plans.

 LABOR WISHES

• Lauren prefers to not receive IV fluids unless shown to be necessary. She would rather have a heplock put into place should the need for IV fluid or medication arise.
• As per ACOG recommendations, we would prefer to have intermittent fetal monitoring instead of continuous fetal monitoring.
• Lauren prefers cervical checks to be kept to a bare minimum.
• As long as baby and mother are not at risk, we would prefer to be allowed to labor and progress without stringent time constraints.
• Lauren prefers to forgo the artificial rupture of membranes until the late stages of labor.

 PAIN MANAGEMENT WISHES

• Please do not offer chemical pain management. We are both fully educated on all the options, and will request a discussion with a nurse or doctor should we elect to use one of them.
• We plan to use natural techniques including hydrotherapy, a birthing ball, practiced breathing exercises, music, and massage to manage pain.

PUSHING WISHES

• Lauren prefers to push instinctively and with minimal coaching.
• Lauren prefers not to be given an episiotomy unless medically necessary.
• Lauren would prefer the option to push in different positions possibly including: semi-reclining, side-lying, squatting with a bar, or any other position that may feel more productive or comfortable.
• Lauren prefers to be given a reasonable amount of time to deliver the placenta before pitocin or other augmentation be used.

 POSTPARTUM WISHES

• We would prefer that the umbilical cord not be clamped until 2-3 minutes after delivery. Thomas would like to be the one to cut the cord.
• We would like the baby to be immediately placed on Lauren’s chest and to remain there until aftercare is necessary.
• We strongly prefer that the baby have the opportunity to breastfeed before taken to the nursery.

 BABY/NURSERY WISHES

• We prefer that the baby spend as little time in the nursery as possible and to be accompanied by one parent at all times.
• Please do not give the baby formula, sugar water, a bottle, or pacifier at any time without our explicit consent.
• We prefer that the baby room-in with us in the postpartum room.
• We plan to have our baby circumcised and will discuss procedure and options at the appropriate time.

 Thank you for cooperation in this momentous occasion!

Lauren Dougherty                                                            Thomas Dougherty

Mother                                                                                Father

What is in red are the things we already know we aren't getting. The only one that really bugs me is the delayed cord cutting. Research shows that waiting to cut the cord results in a lower incidence rate of infant anemia. My doctor literally used the word "malarkey" when I mentioned this to him. But either way, who cares? Is one extra minute that big of a deal? Can he not just sit there and wait for an extra 60 seconds. It's only my baby's blood supply that I am concerned about. Ugh, whatever. Don't want to talk about it.

Love,

Lauren

The girl who cried labor...

Yesterday, I had lunch with my good friend Rachel and we met up at Luby's. I said to her, "I think today would be a good day to go into labor, because I really wouldn't mind Luby's being my last pregnant meal." So I ate my fried okra and mac n cheese and went about my day.

Fast forward to 11pm. Tom was asleep, I was just trying to go to sleep when I was having some serious pains in my stomach. I've had lots of random cramps and stuff in my belly throughout the pregnancy, but these were lasting over a minute and had a detectable frequency. I immediately realized how unprepared we were to go to the hospital. We did have a bag packed, but there was nothing we actually needed - like toiletries and underwear. I got all worked up and started packing like a crazy person... Just in case. After an hour of significant contractions that were only a few minutes apart, I woke Thomas up and told him that he should maybe get some stuff ready in case we needed to go to the hospital. That happened about three times before he actually got out of bed.

He asked me what clothes he should bring, and in the midst of my extreme pain, I just yelled "FIGURE IT OUT!" I was not in a state of mind to debate which color polo to pack, or if jeans or shorts would be more appropriate. He ended up settling on jeans, a polo, and loafers. We then did some official timing with his iphone contraction app, and we definitely fell well beyond the "go to the hospital phase." On top of that, I was feeling so sick which is another good sign that things are happening.

We packed the car, and left around 1am. For those of you that have never delivered before, false alarms are so common that most hospitals will have an OB OBSERVATION area where they just kind of monitor you to figure out if you're really in labor before officially admitting you. So an hour and two mind-numbing cervical checks later, the contractions fizzled out and I was holding steady at 3cm.

My fake hospital band...

Tom was sure to point out that I looked like Homer Simpson when he wears the mumu...

So here I am, back home, with one practice run under my belt. I honestly never thought that I would make this mistake. Because the plan is to stay home as long as possible before going to the hospital (to the point of unbearable pain), I never thought I could be in that much pain without it being real labor. For the record, I couldn't talk through the contractions and I was mostly groaning and wincing during them. They were 1+ minutes long, 2-4 minutes apart, and ongoing for two hours.

While I am slightly embarrassed that this happened, the nurses at the hospital were really nice and made me feel like this was no big deal whatsoever. And on the bright side, we're officially packed and ready to go when Henry decides it's time for the real deal. At least I didn't mistake peeing all over myself for my water breaking.

Love,

Lauren