DIYing and also DIEing - pom pom garland

I have my "big" craft show this weekend. It's at my church. Our church is big, and the festival is a pretty big deal.

This entire summer kind of feels like it's been leading up to this weekend. Let me remind you that I didn't know how to sew until June. And since then, it has been non stop every day. I do it because I love it, but it would also be nice to get some extra money in my pocket. I mean I really do love sewing, but like anything else, making the same thing over and over (ie burp cloths) gets tiring and tedious. And tired can't even begin to describe the level of exhaustion I am. 

Anyway, one thing that's awesome about making stuff all the time is that you get to a point that you just "have" supplies. Seeing an awesome DIY on pinterest doesn't seem out of reach when you already have all the supplies sitting on your table. On the flip side, I don't really think it's worth it to do a lot of DIY projects unless you plan to do more stuff in the future. Craft supplies are a huge rip off, and if you starting from square one, you are going to get up spending more than you thought you would have to. Like even if you just need to buy thread and needles, you'll be spending close to $10. 

So my random DIY tonight was fiesta garland to potentially decorate my craft show booth. I see a lot of cool pom pom accents all over pinterest, and I suggest you look around, because they are all super easy to recreate. 

I have always loved this for inspiration...

So today I picked up a multi pack of pom poms at Hobby Lobby and created some pom pom garland.

Eleanor deeply mistrusted my vision and would not comply, so this is the best shot I could get...

If you want to call this a "tutorial," fine. I guess. Buy some pom poms and thread them...

 

Is your mind blown?

Love,

Lauren

I LOST 30 POUNDS! And hated every second of it...

On January 16th, I wrote THIS post. I stated that I wanted to lose 30 lbs, and vaguely outlined my plan of action. Well, here we are six months later, and I did it, y'all!

So let me start from the beginning... With Henry, I gained almost 60 lbs during my pregnancy. In the first two weeks after his birth, I lost 30 lbs of that. I was insanely swollen so a lot of my weight was fluid retention...

See? Told ya. However, after that first two weeks, I did not lose anything else. I had issues with breastfeeding from the get go, and even though I was exclusively nursing for almost 4 months, it did nothing for my weight loss. By January, Henry was 3 months old, and I still had 30 lbs to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. So, really, if I wanted to, I could say I lost 60 lbs, but I don't think that accurately depicts the situation.

In January, I just felt gross. I have been varying degrees of overweight most of my life, but, honestly, I never really felt bad about myself. In January, I had a lot of moments of self-loathing. That was a new thing for me, so I decided I really had to get shit taken care of. Initially, I didn't set a time constraint on my weight-loss. I've never lost more than 15 lbs at a time in my life, so I didn't even know where to begin with this goal. As time went on, and I had success, I decided to go by the "9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off" rule. Well... 9 months and TWO DAYS.

To give a little background for anyone reading this blog for the first time, I will briefly depict my weight history... I have always been like 10-20 lbs overweight my entire life, according to medical charts. Weight loss and maintenance has always been an issue for me, and I do believe that my metabolism is on the low end of the spectrum. I have always played sports and worked out, and been decently fit, just never thin. At the time I got pregnant, it was 2 months after my wedding, and I felt pretty good about my body. I was doing crossfit and paleo religiously, and I was in really great health. This 30 lbs I lost does not get me to my ideal weight. My ideal weight is still about 10-15 lbs away.

So what did I do to lose the weight? What a hard question to answer. The bottom line is I exercised more and ate less. The REAL bottom line is that... I cut out all the emotional/mental bullshit out of the equation, and just freaking did what it takes.

Exercise: Henry and I attend Baby Boot Camp 5 times a week. It's a good and effective work out. Working out for an hour five times a week is more than most people. Boot camp definitely has helped my body look so much better, but was it the main factor in my weight loss? No. Although, the constant support and motivation from my mom friends was incredibly helpful and encouraging.

Food: Obviously, my diet and calorie intake has been the main source of success for my weight loss. I didn't go on a "diet." I don't have time to plan out meals or go grocery shopping the way most diets require that you do. Well, actually I have plenty of time, but I hate grocery shopping and I am lazy. Anyway, I really ate all the same foods as before. I just ate a whole hell of a lot less. I do not count calories. Again, too lazy. Basically, I just had to gauge what hunger level I needed to be at to lose weight steadily week to week. My guess is that it was around 1000 calories on a daily basis. I know that 1000 calories a day is not "healthy". But neither is being overweight. I do not recommend eating less than 1200 calories a day, but my metabolism sucks major ass, and 1200 calories even with working out will not allow me to effectively lose weight. Argue with me all you want, but I just lost 30 lbs... so just trust that I know what I am saying. Of course, there are days I probably ate something crazy like 3000 calories. But they were very few and far in between. Like once or twice a month. Not once or twice a week.

More food stuff: 1000 calories a day sucks. I was/am hungry a lot, and it's pretty miserable. I hate to say this because it kind of sounds like the beginning of an eating disorder... but after a while, I embraced that super hungry feeling. I would tell myself "this is what losing weight feels like." I do not have an eating disorder, by the way. I needed to lose 30 lbs, so I did what it took. And it was over 6 months, so obviously I wasn't doing anything too crazy.

Even more food stuff: I would like to point out that I basically do not drink alcohol. Not because "I don't drink." I do. It's just that with a baby, I never go out to bars and we go to dinner at 5:30. I also don't particularly "enjoy" alcohol. I like drinking with my friends and family and getting a buzz going... but I couldn't care less about good wine or cocktails or trying new beers. COULD NOT CARE LESS. All that combined makes not drinking about as easy as not doing crystal meth (translation... very easy). I want to mention this because I know a lot of single 20 something girls will read this. When I was single and going out all the time, I don't think I could have foregone alcohol for six months. And even if you only drink on the weekends... multiply 1000 calories by 20 weeks, and you're not going to get the same results.

Now I want to talk about cutting out the bullshit. I have a bad metabolism. I've been chubby my entire life. I have always had to work harder than other people to lose weight. I have a parent who criticized my weight from a very young age. I was made fun of when I was a kid. I felt left out sometimes as an adult. I freaking love food to the point that it is like textbook addiction. I sometimes compulsively eat without even realizing it. I have narcolepsy which messes with your hunger signals.

The point is... there will always be a million reasons that you can tell yourself why you are overweight or why it's harder for you to lose weight. BUT... So let's say you had a brother who always called you fat growing up, and you feel that a lot of your issues stemmed from that. Well... even if you go to therapy, talk it out, confront your brother, he apologizes, you cry and hug and fix everything... That's not going to make you like food any less. That's not going to make a Double Dave's pizza roll any less tempting. It's not going to give you more energy to go on a run.

You just have to decide if you're going to do it or not. Doing it means sticking to the plan every day. Not three or four days a week. Not three weeks but then going on vacation and gaining 10 lbs. It's an every day thing. Every one of your actions has a consequence. Having a margarita has a consequence. Going for a run has a consequence. You have to constantly be on top of what you are doing and how it's going to feel each week if you do or do not lose weight.

I highly suggest setting a goal date and doing weekly weigh ins. I have had the internet to keep me accountable, but even if it's your mom or your boyfriend, just check in with someone. And take pictures. Seeing yourself look better in a picture is so much more gratifying than just looking in the mirror. That picture is there to remind you "this is what making good decisions looks like."

I know that all sounds like a lot of tough love, but I am just trying to be as straight forward as possible. There was nothing fun about losing 30 lbs other than losing 30 lbs. If I could look awesome without ever working out, trust me, I wouldn't. And I love food and I can eat a ton. Losing 30 lbs has not changed that one bit. I know I am going to continue to struggle with this forever. It's never going to be something I don't have to think about or put effort towards.

One last topic... My body does not look the same since having a baby. I am the same weight, but this body is different. The stretch marks from pregnancy are still there, and my bellybutton looks squishy. And if you've had a child, I don't even need to tell you what's going on with my boobs. I swear it's like you could fit your cell phone and keys in the empty space in my bra.

What does it feel like to lose 30 lbs? It feels just as awesome as you think it would. I recommend it.

Ok. Now come the pictures. First, I will do a series of me in work out clothes, then, I will do me in regular clothes. The regular clothes series doesn't start until around April because I felt too gross to let anyone take a full body shot of me...

 (sorry, I had to include that picture)

And the regulars...

Somewhere in my blog, I talked about that last dress. I bought it when I was pregnant, thinking it would be loose and breezy for after the baby. WRONG. I couldn't even get it over my head. No joke. And now it fits perfect! I bought those ikat/chevron jeans when I was pregnant, too. So glad I did because they are incredibly soft and comfy now. 

While we are talking about clothes, I am still a size 12. I could probably do a 10 in some bottoms, but I am so thick in my waist and ribs that I would have to lose another 10 lbs to go down in dress size. And I'm 5'6 for anyone who has never seen me in person. 

AND WHAT THE HELL... I now weigh 168 lbs.

Love,

Lauren

Weightloss Wednesday: Half way there!

It took me a while to realize that 15 is half of 30. While I am pumped that I am half way there, I am also like ughhhh I have to go through that all again. I am a big fan of before & afters - so here is a progress shot.

I can definitely tell a difference in the picture. I'm wearing the same shirt, and it's much looser, for sure. The one thing I am most insecure about is my arms. Unfortunately, my arms don't seem to be slimming down yet, but I am sure it will come in time. 

I've just been trucking along. Doing my best to exercise and make good food decisions. The difference for me between a 1 lb week and a 2 lb week is definitely how well I reign myself in on the weekends. I actually still ate out a lot this weekend, but I did small portions and basically didn't eat anything the rest of the day (not a practice I suggest or endorse). 

So the medication I was prescribed for my sleep disorder can sometimes suppress your appetite. I was really looking forward to this side effect, hoping it could help me in my quest. Well, not only does it not make me not hungry, at this point, it just plain doesn't work. I am as exhausted as ever, and totally bummed. The first day I took it was life changing. I felt exactly like myself, but refreshed and awake. I wasn't jittery or crazy... just normal. After the second day, there was no effect at all other than just feeling kind of strung out. Upon googling it, it seems like a lot of people do not find relief from that medicine. I am really bummed that it's not helping, and also not really sure what to do next (without spending hundreds of dollars on even more medical stuff). 

That's it for this week! 

Love,

Lauren

Let's lighten the mood...

Yesterday's post was kind of heavy, no? I want to be clear that I don't believe that I have a "disability" or that my life isn't mostly normal. Think of the days when you stayed out late the night before. The days when you groggily have to get through work just wanting to go home and nap. Those days are tough, but manageable and you get through them. And on those days, you can still be yourself, and be productive and social... it's just super tiring. So that's what I am going through. Hopefully that makes it sound slightly less dramatic.

So moving on... let's lighten the mood round these parts with what is basically my favorite thing ever.

Better play it cool.

Love,

Lauren

Maybe you should know...

I have debated whether or not to put this on the blog. Of all the things I have written, I don't know why THIS would make me feel shy, but it does.

I am being treated for narcolepsy. You probably know narcolepsy as falling asleep in random places, at random times. That's an inaccurate stereotype, but a lot of people with narcolepsy have cataplexy. When you dream, your body goes into paralysis as a safety mechanism so you do not act out your dreams. Cataplexy is when this reflex kicks in while you are wide awake (usually during a moment of intense emotion or excitement). So the person is not actually falling asleep, they just have some temporary paralysis.

To be clear, I do not have cataplexy. I have extreme daytime sleepiness, that all narcoleptics have. But some people have narcolepsy without cataplexy. I sleep 9-10 hours every night, usually take at least one nap, and still go throughout my entire day feeling tired or longing for sleep. Anyone that knows me well can confirm that I am extra tired, and I sleep way more than most people.

It's hard to say when I first noticed symptoms, but according to my mom, even as a toddler, I would put myself down for naps and go to bed at 6pm. I remember in high school, that I pretty much fell asleep in class most days. One time, I even fell asleep while playing my viola in orchestra. Any time we watched a movie in class, I could not stay awake to save my life. At the time, I thought the falling asleep was just typical teenager stuff. Plus, it never interfered with my grades in high school.

I do remember in high school telling my mom that I thought I might have ADD because I had a really hard time studying. I couldn't stay focused, and usually couldn't stay awake. Her response was always that someone who did as well in school as I did, could not possibly have ADD. If I am going to be completely honest, I straight up did not study in high school. I mean, I did my homework, and wrote my papers, but I can't say I ever "studied." I was more of a last-minute memorization type of girl, and luckily, that carried me through and I graduated in the top 3%. Looking back, I honestly don't know how I did it.

Moving forward to college... I went to the University of Texas on a Biomedical Engineering Honors scholarship. Um, yeah. Didn't work out so well. Once I was studying subjects that were beyond my immediate comprehension, I floundered. I would see other kids in my classes studying for hours, and I could not for the life of me, make myself buckle down and do it. My parents thought I was depressed, and I just thought I was ambivalent about engineering. Again, I was always falling asleep in class, that is if I could even get out of bed for class. I was so exhausted. Especially my sophomore year. By my junior year, I basically had no choice but to change majors. So I went with something I knew for sure I would be interested in: fashion. Listen, there are a lot of degrees that are relatively easy to earn. Retail merchandising is one of them. I went from getting Cs and Ds to straight As. I had to take a lot of basic business classes... those are a joke, by the way. Basically learn some vocabulary and don't be an idiot, and you should get an A. That's kind of how the rest of my college experience went.

My overwhelming need to sleep also interfered with my social life in college. I can even remember getting into arguments with friends when I wanted to go home early from down town or skip going to a party. Honestly, I was just so effing tired that sleep was much more appealing than hanging out with my best friends. Obviously, reflecting back on that makes me really sad. Also, when I was in college, pretty much every time I had to make the 3 hour drive home to Houston, I would pull my car over in a random parking lot to take a nap. I did this as a safety precaution because I regularly would fall asleep behind the wheel.

I landed a really great job when I got out of college. It was 8am-5pm, and most of my time was spent sitting at a desk. I would fall asleep at my computer really often, regularly fall asleep in meetings no matter what time of day they were, and one time I even fell asleep as someone was speaking to my face. You can imagine my horror at the idea that my boss would see me fall asleep in a meeting. Or find out that I was sleeping at my computer. But I swear, I could not physically stop myself. The very last thing in the world I would want at work is for people to think I was lazy or not serious. I would put mint chapstick on my eye lids so that my eyes would burn in hopes that it would keep me awake. Didn't work. I was so desperate for sleep, that I would drive 20 minutes back to my apartment at lunch to take a 15 minute nap and then drive back to work.

That job was the first time in my life that I began to wonder if my need for sleep was a medical problem. I mentioned it to my parents, and again, got responses like "take a vitamin" "drink more water" "exercise more" "maybe you're sleeping TOO much." My dad also kind of put it as "even if something is wrong, do you want to be on medication the rest of your life?" Well, no I didn't. By coincidence, I changed jobs soon after that when I moved to Tulsa. At my new job, I didn't have to be at work until 9:40, and this seemed to help me tremendously. Also, I had to move around a lot more in my new job, and found that I wasn't falling asleep at inappropriate times. I was still always tired, but it didn't seem to interfere with my life as much.

Between that job and until now, I was unemployed, pregnant, and had a newborn. Being tired was either no big deal because I could sleep whenever, or being tired was totally what was to be expected. All new parents are sleep-deprived, right?

Well, Henry now sleeps 12 hours a night and takes 3 naps a day. So I no longer have that excuse. At the moment, I am regularly sleeping 9-10 hours every night, and getting naps. Yet, I feel extremely tired every. single. day. of. my. life. Two weeks ago, I was listening to a radio show in which a woman who wrote a memoir about narcolepsy was describing some of her symptoms. It was like a huge light bulb went off in my head. She described the strange dreaming behaviors that narcolepsy causes, and it was like going down a checklist for me. This includes lucid dreaming, having extremely detailed dreams that you remember clearly, dreaming almost as soon as you fall asleep, feeling like you dreamed all night long, hallucinations as you fall asleep, etc..

This prompted me to go to a doctor. Luckily, my doctor was super down with trying to help me out. So I have a prescription for a medication that should help me feel awake during the day. I take it for the first time tomorrow. I am both excited and scared shitless. On one hand, the possibility that I could feel alert and productive all day is exhilarating. But on the other hand, there are a lot of possible side effects. I am scared that the side effects will be too much for me. Because if this doesn't work, there really isn't any other medication option other than using ADD medication off-label (which most doctors won't do any more).

I have a lot of hopes for the next month. I am hoping that I am excited to sit and play with Henry, rather than feel sluggish and worn down. I am hoping I can do something at night other than check out and watch tv for 3 hours. I am hoping I can stay up past 10 and have enough energy to pay some attention to my husband.

So that's that. It felt wrong to not be candid about this on the blog. Feel free to chime in with any questions or similar experiences. I personally do not know anyone who has gone through something similar, so it would be great to hear from anyone who has dealt with narcolepsy or any other problem that causes extreme sleepiness.

Love,

Lauren