I LOST 30 POUNDS! And hated every second of it...

On January 16th, I wrote THIS post. I stated that I wanted to lose 30 lbs, and vaguely outlined my plan of action. Well, here we are six months later, and I did it, y'all!

So let me start from the beginning... With Henry, I gained almost 60 lbs during my pregnancy. In the first two weeks after his birth, I lost 30 lbs of that. I was insanely swollen so a lot of my weight was fluid retention...

See? Told ya. However, after that first two weeks, I did not lose anything else. I had issues with breastfeeding from the get go, and even though I was exclusively nursing for almost 4 months, it did nothing for my weight loss. By January, Henry was 3 months old, and I still had 30 lbs to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. So, really, if I wanted to, I could say I lost 60 lbs, but I don't think that accurately depicts the situation.

In January, I just felt gross. I have been varying degrees of overweight most of my life, but, honestly, I never really felt bad about myself. In January, I had a lot of moments of self-loathing. That was a new thing for me, so I decided I really had to get shit taken care of. Initially, I didn't set a time constraint on my weight-loss. I've never lost more than 15 lbs at a time in my life, so I didn't even know where to begin with this goal. As time went on, and I had success, I decided to go by the "9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off" rule. Well... 9 months and TWO DAYS.

To give a little background for anyone reading this blog for the first time, I will briefly depict my weight history... I have always been like 10-20 lbs overweight my entire life, according to medical charts. Weight loss and maintenance has always been an issue for me, and I do believe that my metabolism is on the low end of the spectrum. I have always played sports and worked out, and been decently fit, just never thin. At the time I got pregnant, it was 2 months after my wedding, and I felt pretty good about my body. I was doing crossfit and paleo religiously, and I was in really great health. This 30 lbs I lost does not get me to my ideal weight. My ideal weight is still about 10-15 lbs away.

So what did I do to lose the weight? What a hard question to answer. The bottom line is I exercised more and ate less. The REAL bottom line is that... I cut out all the emotional/mental bullshit out of the equation, and just freaking did what it takes.

Exercise: Henry and I attend Baby Boot Camp 5 times a week. It's a good and effective work out. Working out for an hour five times a week is more than most people. Boot camp definitely has helped my body look so much better, but was it the main factor in my weight loss? No. Although, the constant support and motivation from my mom friends was incredibly helpful and encouraging.

Food: Obviously, my diet and calorie intake has been the main source of success for my weight loss. I didn't go on a "diet." I don't have time to plan out meals or go grocery shopping the way most diets require that you do. Well, actually I have plenty of time, but I hate grocery shopping and I am lazy. Anyway, I really ate all the same foods as before. I just ate a whole hell of a lot less. I do not count calories. Again, too lazy. Basically, I just had to gauge what hunger level I needed to be at to lose weight steadily week to week. My guess is that it was around 1000 calories on a daily basis. I know that 1000 calories a day is not "healthy". But neither is being overweight. I do not recommend eating less than 1200 calories a day, but my metabolism sucks major ass, and 1200 calories even with working out will not allow me to effectively lose weight. Argue with me all you want, but I just lost 30 lbs... so just trust that I know what I am saying. Of course, there are days I probably ate something crazy like 3000 calories. But they were very few and far in between. Like once or twice a month. Not once or twice a week.

More food stuff: 1000 calories a day sucks. I was/am hungry a lot, and it's pretty miserable. I hate to say this because it kind of sounds like the beginning of an eating disorder... but after a while, I embraced that super hungry feeling. I would tell myself "this is what losing weight feels like." I do not have an eating disorder, by the way. I needed to lose 30 lbs, so I did what it took. And it was over 6 months, so obviously I wasn't doing anything too crazy.

Even more food stuff: I would like to point out that I basically do not drink alcohol. Not because "I don't drink." I do. It's just that with a baby, I never go out to bars and we go to dinner at 5:30. I also don't particularly "enjoy" alcohol. I like drinking with my friends and family and getting a buzz going... but I couldn't care less about good wine or cocktails or trying new beers. COULD NOT CARE LESS. All that combined makes not drinking about as easy as not doing crystal meth (translation... very easy). I want to mention this because I know a lot of single 20 something girls will read this. When I was single and going out all the time, I don't think I could have foregone alcohol for six months. And even if you only drink on the weekends... multiply 1000 calories by 20 weeks, and you're not going to get the same results.

Now I want to talk about cutting out the bullshit. I have a bad metabolism. I've been chubby my entire life. I have always had to work harder than other people to lose weight. I have a parent who criticized my weight from a very young age. I was made fun of when I was a kid. I felt left out sometimes as an adult. I freaking love food to the point that it is like textbook addiction. I sometimes compulsively eat without even realizing it. I have narcolepsy which messes with your hunger signals.

The point is... there will always be a million reasons that you can tell yourself why you are overweight or why it's harder for you to lose weight. BUT... So let's say you had a brother who always called you fat growing up, and you feel that a lot of your issues stemmed from that. Well... even if you go to therapy, talk it out, confront your brother, he apologizes, you cry and hug and fix everything... That's not going to make you like food any less. That's not going to make a Double Dave's pizza roll any less tempting. It's not going to give you more energy to go on a run.

You just have to decide if you're going to do it or not. Doing it means sticking to the plan every day. Not three or four days a week. Not three weeks but then going on vacation and gaining 10 lbs. It's an every day thing. Every one of your actions has a consequence. Having a margarita has a consequence. Going for a run has a consequence. You have to constantly be on top of what you are doing and how it's going to feel each week if you do or do not lose weight.

I highly suggest setting a goal date and doing weekly weigh ins. I have had the internet to keep me accountable, but even if it's your mom or your boyfriend, just check in with someone. And take pictures. Seeing yourself look better in a picture is so much more gratifying than just looking in the mirror. That picture is there to remind you "this is what making good decisions looks like."

I know that all sounds like a lot of tough love, but I am just trying to be as straight forward as possible. There was nothing fun about losing 30 lbs other than losing 30 lbs. If I could look awesome without ever working out, trust me, I wouldn't. And I love food and I can eat a ton. Losing 30 lbs has not changed that one bit. I know I am going to continue to struggle with this forever. It's never going to be something I don't have to think about or put effort towards.

One last topic... My body does not look the same since having a baby. I am the same weight, but this body is different. The stretch marks from pregnancy are still there, and my bellybutton looks squishy. And if you've had a child, I don't even need to tell you what's going on with my boobs. I swear it's like you could fit your cell phone and keys in the empty space in my bra.

What does it feel like to lose 30 lbs? It feels just as awesome as you think it would. I recommend it.

Ok. Now come the pictures. First, I will do a series of me in work out clothes, then, I will do me in regular clothes. The regular clothes series doesn't start until around April because I felt too gross to let anyone take a full body shot of me...

 (sorry, I had to include that picture)

And the regulars...

Somewhere in my blog, I talked about that last dress. I bought it when I was pregnant, thinking it would be loose and breezy for after the baby. WRONG. I couldn't even get it over my head. No joke. And now it fits perfect! I bought those ikat/chevron jeans when I was pregnant, too. So glad I did because they are incredibly soft and comfy now. 

While we are talking about clothes, I am still a size 12. I could probably do a 10 in some bottoms, but I am so thick in my waist and ribs that I would have to lose another 10 lbs to go down in dress size. And I'm 5'6 for anyone who has never seen me in person. 

AND WHAT THE HELL... I now weigh 168 lbs.

Love,

Lauren

Some last minute things you need to know before you pop that baby out...

As I have mentioned about a hundred times, I was so so prepared for childbirth. Not only from a medical point of view, but also in the terms that I had bought a new robe for the hospital and ordered handmade slippers off of etsy. I also had an arsenal of postpartum recovery products from panty liners to dermaplast. Most of what I brought was a total waste, but there are definitely a couple things that you  might want. I know a ton of people that are pregnant right now, so the timing seemed right to share some insight on what really happens in the hospital. Keep in mind, I had a vaginal delivery and I am not in tune with the differences that having a c-section will create during your hospital stay.

What you are about to read is a lot of information, but it is all helpful. I'm not going to waste time making some cute print out list of what you need, because that means this post would probably never get published. I'm giving you the facts, and that's about it.

Things to keep in mind at the hospital:

-Most likely, you will be getting an IV. Make sure to ask that they give it to you in your non-dominant hand/arm. I had mine in my right hand and it was really uncomfortable. Although I wasn't hooked up to anything after he was born, they kept the needle part in for at least a day I guess in case I needed blood or some type of medication? Anyway, that's a really simple request so be sure to ask!

-You want an enema. I'm pretty sure it's standard practice at most hospitals to administer an enema during labor, but I've read some things here and there that makes me think some people don't get one. You want one so that you know what doesn't happen when you're pushing. More importantly, regardless of how your baby came out of your body, you want to delay that first bathroom trip after birth as long as possible. 

-On the same note, the SECOND you get in your postpartum room, badger the nurse to give you stool softeners. If they brush it off, do not give up and keep bugging them about it. And keep taking them the entire time you are there, and when you get home. I didn't have any issues with this topic, but I am glad that I made sure not to risk it. 

-Take everything you can from the hospital. You pay for everything in that room whether you use it or not. Take home all the sitz bath, and the granny pads, and the mesh boyshorts, and the pee pads, just take it all. If you run out of anything, you make the nurse brings you more. Oh, and you can also pretend that you run out of something and then ask for more as well. I did that with HCl cream and dermaplast.

-Just know that you are going to be bleeding a lot, and for a while. Those panty liners that I talked about up at the top? Hahahaha what a joke! I was seriously wearing what could almost be considered a diaper the entire time I was there. Click here to get a visual. With that in mind, you mostly likely will not be putting on real panties or wearing pajama bottoms until you leave because everything is just so messy. For this reason, you really do need a robe that is a decent length. 

-Get up and walk around. I was in so much pain and could barely move so it didn't occur to me to get out of bed other than to use the bathroom. On the last day the nurse was like oh you should probably walk around so you don't get blood clots. Yeah, information that could have been useful to me on the first day. It's no big deal, just force yourself to get up and move around as much as you can.
-Finally, you need to know, because NO ONE EVER TOLD ME, that you get really swollen after childbirth. If you think your pregnancy swelling couldn't be any worse, you're wrong. My legs looked like a cabbage patch doll. It was awful. I just want to let you know so that your heart isn't broken 3 days after birth and you realize the swelling is not going away.

Stuff that you do or do not need...
-Don't bring any nice pajama bottoms. Honestly, there's a good chance you could get blood on them.
-But, your husband does need to bring pajama bottoms. Tom forgot and had to sleep in his jeans both nights.
-Definitely bring a pillow or blanket from home that you like.
-I never wore makeup or did my hair while I was there, because I basically felt like I was recovering from a vagina-on collision with an 18 wheeler. But if things go better for you, it might be worth it for the sake of pictures.
-I brought an ipod speaker dock for the labor room, and I really enjoyed having soothing music while I was in labor.
-The hospital will have white onesies or shirts for your baby, so don't worry about bringing basic stuff like that. Just whatever you want to bring him home in will be fine.
-Bring a towel and loofa/washcloth. The towels at the hospital will most likely be the size of a placemat.

For when you get home...
-Be sure that you have some decent pajama pants to wear for a while. I never wear pajama pants, so I didn't have any good ones that fit. My mom had to go on a mission to the mall to get me some because there was no way I would let someone see me in shorts. Target would have been fine, but I appreciate the Nordstrom jammie bottoms she got me.
-I didn't wear nursing bras when I was nursing. I just wore really soft... yoga bras? You know, the really thin and stretchy ones. I found those were way easier to just pull up or down than dealing with the nursing bra thing.
-If anyone asks you what they can do to help, tell them to bring you dinner. That was by far the best thing anyone did for us. One time my parents brought us steaks from Perry's, and for the five minutes I was eating, I felt like a normal person again.
-If you have dogs, it would be ideal if they could stay with someone else for a few days. I think our dogs lived at Tom's parents house for a week. If you can't arrange something like this, I don't think it would be the end of the world. Plus, we have two herding dogs that are very high maintenance, and we didn't want to introduce them to the baby when everything was still incredibly stressful.
-You will need pads. If you're like me, you haven't bought a pad since 1997. This really stressed me out. There are all these stupid options out there, and I had no idea what I needed. I will say though, after the first week, the pad thing really didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

My last piece of advice is pretty important. Just prepare yourself for the fact that you are going to pay a lot of money for the birth. And just when you think you've paid everything, your child turns 7 months old and you get another bill for $600. I called the hospital ahead of time to estimate the cost of our stay. Well, they were pretty accurate about how much it all cost for me, but they failed to mention that none of the estimation includes anything for the baby. So far, we've probably paid about $1300 for Henry's stuff, and he was so healthy that he didn't have even one tiny little minor "extra" thing to make the bill more expensive. Maybe your insurance is way better than ours, so it won't be a problem. But either way, I just want you you go into it knowing that everything for you and everything for your baby is charged completely separately.

Also, if your hospital has a nursery, don't feel bad about letting the baby stay there for a few hours so you can get some sleep.

Read Henry's birth story here for more info.

Love,

Lauren

Weightloss Wednesday: Some advice for preggos and new moms...

I wanted to take a week off last week. Not a week off from trying to lose weight, but a week off from having to write about it. I was starting to bore my own self. But anyway, 2 more lbs. I cannot tell you how pumped I am going to be when I get to the 20lb loss mark. That will be when things get real. I am still pleased with 17 lbs, but knowing that I only have 10 more to go will feel amazing. 

Now, on to YOU. What I am going to write is a whole lot of unsolicited advice, and all I am hoping to do is to prevent even one person from getting themselves into this mess that I am. 

Before I had gained any pounds in my pregnancy, I came up with a weight that I did not want to go above. Well, I blew past that before I was even in the third trimester. And when it was all said and done, I had gained over 50 lbs. I swear to you, I was not just chowing down on everything in sight, every single day. But it was little things over the course of 9 months that added up. I probably had donuts about 5 times during my pregnancy. Prior to that, it had probably been well over a year since I had a donut. Same thing with ice cream. Maybe like twice a month, Thomas and I went to get ice cream when I was pregnant, which I never in a million years would have done before. Also, eating tortillas with my fajitas, drinking more soda, eating cinnamon toast crunch instead of bran flakes, etc.. It was a bunch of little things that individually, on a daily basis did not seem excessive or even all that indulgent. But added all together, it left me with 30 lbs to lose after the baby. 

Looking back, I thought that the weight gained with pregnancy would be easier to lose than the regular fat that's been there since 6th grade. WRONG. Every single pound that I have lost has been a huge pain in the ass. It's not like that time you lost 15 lbs in 10th grade, or like that time you stopped drinking for a month and college and lost 10 lbs. It's like you're just an old fatass who has to pull their shit together and make the weight loss happen.

Some people will immediately drop the weight, and some people will even get skinnier than they were before they got pregnant. While, yes, that COULD happen to you, it most likely will not. In general, if you have always been pretty thin without much effort, you'll probably get back there pretty easily after the baby. But if like me, you feel like you've been moderating your food since middle school, it most likely will be harder than it's ever been. Some people also lose a ton of weight while breastfeeding. But it's not the majority. I just want to mention all this because you do not want to go through your pregnancy counting on the idea that because your cousin ate 5000 calories a day while breastfeeding and still lost weight, that you are going to as well. Also, do not rely on anything your mom told you. My mom, for example, gained 16 lbs when she was pregnant, and did not get one single stretch mark. 

By now, you probably are annoyed that I am telling you things that are so completely obvious. (Or you're like sorry, I'm skinny, I don't know what you're talking about). But I was in your shoes once. I was committed to not gaining too much weight, and thought I was trying to sort of eat healthy. I was convinced this wouldn't happen to me. I thought that I would come out the other side being a cute new mom prancing around in my cut offs. I kind of hate that I even just said that, because it's so not about looks. It's about being healthy. And sorry Adele... you can be overweight and beautiful, but you can't be overweight and completely healthy. 

My overall advice would be, whatever general things you were doing to be healthy before you were pregnant, you need to keep that up when you're pregnant. If you stopped drinking soda, don't start again. If you never ate fast food, don't give yourself a hallpass because there's a baby in your belly. When that baby gets here, you will be more busy, stressed, and overwhelmed than you have ever been in your life, and you don't want to add possibly feeling bad about your weird mom body on top of everything else. Unfortunately, loving your baby doesn't burn calories, so keep it in check now while you still have the chance!

Love,

Lauren

Weight Wednesday: 1 lb and Henry is a sitter!

One more pound! It's nice to see the number slowly whittle away. Losing 17 lbs is a lot less daunting than losing 30 lbs, and I highly suggest making a little chart like this for yourself if you are in the weight loss process. 

Tonight, I made more cookies... and I straight up had to throw the extra dough away or I knew I would eat all of it. Sometimes, when I see food, my reaction is almost scary. Two nights ago, my husband brought home a piece of cheesecake from a work birthday party. When he opened the box, and I saw what it was, I became a rabid animal. I just looked at him and said, "I AM going to eat that." And I did. It was psycho. When it comes to unexpected food that just randomly shows up, I honestly have no control. When I worked in an office, it was really bad. People were just always bringing kolaches and spinach dip and all my other favorite foods... and I never seemed to be able to control myself. I think it can be especially challenging at work because... you're at work. Which, in general, mostly sucks. Then a cookie shows up and it's like the highlight of the entire day. 

We all know that I am not working right now, but when you've literally done nothing for yourself the entire day, and then a freaking piece of red velvet cheesecake from the cheesecake factory magically appears, you WILL eat it. No questions asked. 

Ok, enough about my hugely obvious food addiction... Henry is officially a sitter! He has been sitting up and wobbling a lot lately, but today, I felt he really earned the official status of "sitter." Check out my big guy!...

I haven't been hearing much about other people's progress lately. Please share if you've recently lost some EL-BEEZ, or at least let me know that I'm not the only one who would lie, cheat, and steal for a breakfast taco.

Love,

Lauren

Let's lighten the mood...

Yesterday's post was kind of heavy, no? I want to be clear that I don't believe that I have a "disability" or that my life isn't mostly normal. Think of the days when you stayed out late the night before. The days when you groggily have to get through work just wanting to go home and nap. Those days are tough, but manageable and you get through them. And on those days, you can still be yourself, and be productive and social... it's just super tiring. So that's what I am going through. Hopefully that makes it sound slightly less dramatic.

So moving on... let's lighten the mood round these parts with what is basically my favorite thing ever.

Better play it cool.

Love,

Lauren

Maybe you should know...

I have debated whether or not to put this on the blog. Of all the things I have written, I don't know why THIS would make me feel shy, but it does.

I am being treated for narcolepsy. You probably know narcolepsy as falling asleep in random places, at random times. That's an inaccurate stereotype, but a lot of people with narcolepsy have cataplexy. When you dream, your body goes into paralysis as a safety mechanism so you do not act out your dreams. Cataplexy is when this reflex kicks in while you are wide awake (usually during a moment of intense emotion or excitement). So the person is not actually falling asleep, they just have some temporary paralysis.

To be clear, I do not have cataplexy. I have extreme daytime sleepiness, that all narcoleptics have. But some people have narcolepsy without cataplexy. I sleep 9-10 hours every night, usually take at least one nap, and still go throughout my entire day feeling tired or longing for sleep. Anyone that knows me well can confirm that I am extra tired, and I sleep way more than most people.

It's hard to say when I first noticed symptoms, but according to my mom, even as a toddler, I would put myself down for naps and go to bed at 6pm. I remember in high school, that I pretty much fell asleep in class most days. One time, I even fell asleep while playing my viola in orchestra. Any time we watched a movie in class, I could not stay awake to save my life. At the time, I thought the falling asleep was just typical teenager stuff. Plus, it never interfered with my grades in high school.

I do remember in high school telling my mom that I thought I might have ADD because I had a really hard time studying. I couldn't stay focused, and usually couldn't stay awake. Her response was always that someone who did as well in school as I did, could not possibly have ADD. If I am going to be completely honest, I straight up did not study in high school. I mean, I did my homework, and wrote my papers, but I can't say I ever "studied." I was more of a last-minute memorization type of girl, and luckily, that carried me through and I graduated in the top 3%. Looking back, I honestly don't know how I did it.

Moving forward to college... I went to the University of Texas on a Biomedical Engineering Honors scholarship. Um, yeah. Didn't work out so well. Once I was studying subjects that were beyond my immediate comprehension, I floundered. I would see other kids in my classes studying for hours, and I could not for the life of me, make myself buckle down and do it. My parents thought I was depressed, and I just thought I was ambivalent about engineering. Again, I was always falling asleep in class, that is if I could even get out of bed for class. I was so exhausted. Especially my sophomore year. By my junior year, I basically had no choice but to change majors. So I went with something I knew for sure I would be interested in: fashion. Listen, there are a lot of degrees that are relatively easy to earn. Retail merchandising is one of them. I went from getting Cs and Ds to straight As. I had to take a lot of basic business classes... those are a joke, by the way. Basically learn some vocabulary and don't be an idiot, and you should get an A. That's kind of how the rest of my college experience went.

My overwhelming need to sleep also interfered with my social life in college. I can even remember getting into arguments with friends when I wanted to go home early from down town or skip going to a party. Honestly, I was just so effing tired that sleep was much more appealing than hanging out with my best friends. Obviously, reflecting back on that makes me really sad. Also, when I was in college, pretty much every time I had to make the 3 hour drive home to Houston, I would pull my car over in a random parking lot to take a nap. I did this as a safety precaution because I regularly would fall asleep behind the wheel.

I landed a really great job when I got out of college. It was 8am-5pm, and most of my time was spent sitting at a desk. I would fall asleep at my computer really often, regularly fall asleep in meetings no matter what time of day they were, and one time I even fell asleep as someone was speaking to my face. You can imagine my horror at the idea that my boss would see me fall asleep in a meeting. Or find out that I was sleeping at my computer. But I swear, I could not physically stop myself. The very last thing in the world I would want at work is for people to think I was lazy or not serious. I would put mint chapstick on my eye lids so that my eyes would burn in hopes that it would keep me awake. Didn't work. I was so desperate for sleep, that I would drive 20 minutes back to my apartment at lunch to take a 15 minute nap and then drive back to work.

That job was the first time in my life that I began to wonder if my need for sleep was a medical problem. I mentioned it to my parents, and again, got responses like "take a vitamin" "drink more water" "exercise more" "maybe you're sleeping TOO much." My dad also kind of put it as "even if something is wrong, do you want to be on medication the rest of your life?" Well, no I didn't. By coincidence, I changed jobs soon after that when I moved to Tulsa. At my new job, I didn't have to be at work until 9:40, and this seemed to help me tremendously. Also, I had to move around a lot more in my new job, and found that I wasn't falling asleep at inappropriate times. I was still always tired, but it didn't seem to interfere with my life as much.

Between that job and until now, I was unemployed, pregnant, and had a newborn. Being tired was either no big deal because I could sleep whenever, or being tired was totally what was to be expected. All new parents are sleep-deprived, right?

Well, Henry now sleeps 12 hours a night and takes 3 naps a day. So I no longer have that excuse. At the moment, I am regularly sleeping 9-10 hours every night, and getting naps. Yet, I feel extremely tired every. single. day. of. my. life. Two weeks ago, I was listening to a radio show in which a woman who wrote a memoir about narcolepsy was describing some of her symptoms. It was like a huge light bulb went off in my head. She described the strange dreaming behaviors that narcolepsy causes, and it was like going down a checklist for me. This includes lucid dreaming, having extremely detailed dreams that you remember clearly, dreaming almost as soon as you fall asleep, feeling like you dreamed all night long, hallucinations as you fall asleep, etc..

This prompted me to go to a doctor. Luckily, my doctor was super down with trying to help me out. So I have a prescription for a medication that should help me feel awake during the day. I take it for the first time tomorrow. I am both excited and scared shitless. On one hand, the possibility that I could feel alert and productive all day is exhilarating. But on the other hand, there are a lot of possible side effects. I am scared that the side effects will be too much for me. Because if this doesn't work, there really isn't any other medication option other than using ADD medication off-label (which most doctors won't do any more).

I have a lot of hopes for the next month. I am hoping that I am excited to sit and play with Henry, rather than feel sluggish and worn down. I am hoping I can do something at night other than check out and watch tv for 3 hours. I am hoping I can stay up past 10 and have enough energy to pay some attention to my husband.

So that's that. It felt wrong to not be candid about this on the blog. Feel free to chime in with any questions or similar experiences. I personally do not know anyone who has gone through something similar, so it would be great to hear from anyone who has dealt with narcolepsy or any other problem that causes extreme sleepiness.

Love,

Lauren

Weight Wednesday: March 13th...

So as you can see, no weight loss this week. I am a-ok with that. If you knew everything I ate/drank this past weekend, you would agree that zero weight gain was an accomplishment. My final weigh-in for the My Fit Foods 21 Day Challenge was on Friday. I ended up squeezing out 15 lbs. The morning of the weigh-in, I got my ass out of bed at 7am, put Henry in the stroller and tried to sweat out as much extra weight as possible. This involved wearing many ridiculous layers of clothing. Hey gorgeous...

Here is the before/after picture I submitted for the contest. The improvement is subtle, but noticeable...

15 lbs in 21 days is legit. I am pretty sure I won the prize for my store which is a $250 gift card to My Fit Foods. I won't know for a while if I won the nation wide trip to Cabo. But you can bet your ass I will keep you posted!

I feel really good about the progress I have made so far. If I have a "secret"or any tip, it's my attitude about weight loss. For me, at this point, I just keep the entire process very practical and realistic. I am overweight, and need to lose weight to be healthy and look good. Simple as that. I try to not make it emotional or focus on "how hard it is" or "why me." I just see it as a responsibility versus a hardship. All of my actions have consequences, and I always have a choice in what I eat or when I work out. I think I am very realistic about my body and where I stand. I know I don't look that great right now, but I also know that if I just keep trucking along that eventually I will. If I even think about just the women I know, most have times when they were bigger and smaller. No one is going to be perfect every day of their life, and right now I am just in a "needs improvement" phase. It's not the end of the world, it's not a life sentence to never be cute or attractive again. 

Love,

Lauren

Weight Wednesday: booya!

I really don't know how this happened. I haven't done anything different. If anything, I've eating a tiny bit worse. One thing that has changed is that I got back on birth control. We lovingly accepted our beautiful unplanned gift from God when Henry was born, but I am NOT playing around this time... at least not for a while. Anyway, birth control has never had any weight effects on me in the past, but I am wondering if maybe I was all out of whack and perhaps it's like getting things normal again? Who knows? I mention it because it's the only thing I can use to explain a 3 lb loss this past week.

Another great break-through has been that I can FINALLY get into a pair of my cute jeans. Sure, I have muffin top out the waz, but I have so much satisfaction from being able to kind of dress normal again.

I have never taken a picture for this blog, ever, without Eleanor trying to get in the shot. Can you say velcro dog? Also, please excuse the bed situation in the background - it was laundry day.

On Friday, I have my final weigh-in for the My Fit Foods 21 Day Challenge. I have no idea if I will be able to win. The girl who won last time lost 24 lbs in 21 days. Um, what? Maybe she like wore her cowboy boots and went to the Olive Garden right before her weigh in? I was already dieting at my first weigh in, and a huge "bulk-up" meal was not worth it to me. I think that my final number for the weigh in will be around 15 lbs. I know that doesn't make sense if you look at the numbers at the top. But my blog numbers are based on first thing in the morning, stark naked weigh ins. There are some extra variables that go into the My Fit Food weigh ins. Plus, the nutritional coach is going to give me some pro body builder tips to get a crazy low number for the weigh in. I am usually not this competitive, but I want to win that trip to Cabo so badly!

Ok, so I have 2 more days to lose as much weight as possible. Have any secret tips? I will do anything short of anorexia. Do water pills work? I feel I should explore that option. What about those plastic sweat suits? Maybe I will just sleep in one.

Love,

Lauren

Weight Wednesday: ehhh....

The following conversation is one of the best things that has ever happened in my life, and I felt weight Wednesday would be a good day to share it. One day at work (a couple years ago), we were talking about babies and pregnancy and my very petite coworker brought up the subject of weight gain...


TRINA: I gained so much weight when I was pregnant. I got up to like 140 lbs.
VERONICA: Uh, that's how much I weigh NOW.
ME: .............. That's my GOAL WEIGHT!!!


My current goal weight is actually higher at the moment. At that time I was trying to get as skinny as possible for our wedding. I recently had this crazy scale thing at my gym measure my lean muscle mass which is everything in your body minus the fat. My level is 125 lbs. This means I may have been very unrealistic about my weight loss goals in the past. The least I have ever weight as a teenager is 135. I was 16 and pretty thin. But still... 135 for a lot of 16 year old girls is like morbidly obese. I was comparing myself to everyone else who seemed to weigh like 105 or 110, so I never felt "thin." The least I have ever weighed as a full fledged adult is around 150. Now that I know I have a beastly amount of muscle in my body, I am much more comfortable with those numbers. A healthy, lean, fit woman is around 20% body fat. So 155 would probably be my ideal weight. I am going to say that again. 155 lbs for Lauren Dougherty = hot shit.

This makes me feel so much better about life.

 Now, onto this week's results. I went on vacation for 4 days. I could easily pack on 10 lbs over an awesome 4-day weekend, but I managed to still lose 1 lb. This meant I didn't get to eat birthday cake at my nephew's party, or try the lobster spinach dip at dinner. I bought some boring stuff to eat a grocery store, and ordered steak and veggies at the restaurant. I wish food wasn't such a huge sacrifice for me, but it is. Not getting to enjoy it is torture.

Please leave me some comments. Hearing about other people dealing with this bullshit sure makes it a lot easier. 

Love,

Lauren

Weight Wednesday: progress...

I know I have mentioned a lot of weight loss challenges that I am doing. Perhaps it's a little confusing, so I'm going to recap.

Mother Love Fitness Challenge through Baby Boot Camp
-Feb 4th - April 29th
-Focus is on improving fitness through class at Baby Boot Camp
-No real "winner," but you get entries to win prizes from corporate sponsors.

Can't Fake Fit Challenge through My Fit Foods
-21 days: Feb 16th - March 8th
-Focus is on diet through eating My Fit Foods meal plan
-Winners are based on percentage of body weight lost, and the grand prize is a trip to Cabo.

I want that trip to Cabo bad. REAL BAD. I actually think I have a decent chance at winning. I've looked at statistics for the winners in the past, and it's definitely doable. For a percentage-based weight loss competition, I am in a good range where I have a lot to lose but not so much that it won't be a big percentage. And if I don't win the trip, there are still other prizes like MFF gift cards. That would also be great because that shiz be expensive y'all.

Now, to complicate things even further... Everyone who signed up for the My Fit Foods challenge got a free 21 day membership to the gym next door, Koko Fit Club. The whole schtick of Koko is that you have your own USB that you plug into these all-in-one resistance training machines. Each time you go, the screen tells you exactly what to do: how much weight, how many reps, and what pace you should be working at. Then at the end of the workout, you can access your own web page that shows statistic about how many calories you burned and what kind of progress you are making. I have no intention of paying for a membership there, but I like the concept and will definitely take advantage of the free 21 days.

It's like this...

Ok, I am officially done explaining boring stuff.

In regards to the 2 lbs I lost this week, it's definitely all diet. My working out hasn't really changed. I enjoy the meal plan that I am on, but I definitely get hungry. My day looks like this:

8am - breakfast
11am - snack
2pm - lunch
5pm - snack
8pm- dinner

The problem is that because I eat breakfast kind of late (compared to working people), that pushes my lunch and dinner back to times that are definitely outside of my comfort zone. I am dying by 2pm for lunch. The snacks are like a thing of yogurt, or maybe a couple apple slices and 3 cubes of cheese. So no lunch until 2pm is hard. I guess I just need to accept the "hard"-ness of it all. Losing weight IS hard. Every bit of it. Working out sucks, dieting sucks... there is just nothing worse.

I would pay $10k/year every year of my life if it meant I could not work out and eat whatever I felt like. And if I had the money, I would pay a million dollars. There are people out there who get to do that for free. Not me. I started running in 4th grade. In 2nd grade one of my friends reassured me that I "wasn't fat. Just chubby." Um, thanks? Luckily, I had an inappropriate amount of self-esteem as a child, so I never let it get me down.

But anyway... 7 lbs is pretty great. 7 lbs makes a difference. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Love,

Lauren

Henry's birth story Part II...

Let's get right to it.

When I had completely dilated to 10cm, the nurse told me it was time to push. It wasn't time to push Henry out, but it was time to push him down and get the ball rolling. The doctor didn't even come in for this part. It was just me, Thomas, and the nurse. I had stopped pushing my epidural button 30 minutes prior so that I would get some sensation back for pushing, but I was still almost entirely numb. After the first push, I told the nurse that it just like "thinking really hard." I am pretty sure nothing happened for the first couple of pushes. But as I pushed harder, and became less numb, he started slowly moving down. Not that I could tell, but that's what the nurse said. She also said she could feel his head and that he had a ton of hair. 

This whole pushing but not pushing thing went on for over an hour. While I was pushing, the nurse was helping by massaging/stretching my baby hole to help Henry come out easier. Yeah, you heard me. According to Thomas, he saw everything, and we've just left it at that. Oh, the nurse also mentioned that I had a "mack truck pelvis" and I wanted to be sure and share that with a public audience.

Finally, the doctor came and it was actually time to try and pop this baby out. Because Henry had passed meconium, he told me that he would have to be handed off to the neonatologist immediately to do whatever it is that they do in that situation. This meant that he also would not be placed on my chest immediately, and that all my Kourtney-Kardashian-pull-your-own-baby-out dreams would be over. It surprised me how much in the moment I really didn't care. I was so determined to just get it over with that disappointment didn't even cross my mind. 

The next contraction came, and the doctor was still getting ready so I asked if it was ok to push. He said to go for it, and BAM. Henry was born into the world on October 9th, 2012 at 2:44pm. In one big push. As he was coming out, my doctor remarked at what a big young man he was. I never had size scans for Henry late in my pregnancy, so we had no idea that he was going to be a huge, 9lb 6oz baby. My vagina also had no clue, and definitely paid for it. 

As a teenager, when I heard that you tear during childbirth, I was so horrified that I couldn't even grasp like where or how that happened. But it happened to me, and it was awful. The first 30 minutes of Henry's life was me getting sewn back together by my doctor. He said that it wasn't like a number of stitches that could be counted, and that it was more like a continuous stitch. Awesome. The good news is, everything is perfectly back to normal now. I have no idea how that works, but I swear it's like it never happened. But one thing I would like to say is, that vagina repair part of birth was really painful, and although it mostly had worn off by then I was so incredibly thankful to have some epidural left in my system. For that reason alone, I will probably chose to have one for sure at my next birth. 

Finally, Thomas brought over our sweet baby, and I got to hold him for the first time. He was such a little angel, and I couldn't believe that he was here. Obviously, everyone thinks their baby is the cutest ever, but seriously, Henry was the most handsome little baby I have ever seen. In those first few minutes, we nursed for the first time and he latched on right away. Seeing your child that is about 10 minutes old immediately know what to do with a boob is the sweetest thing in the world, and you can't help but be proud that they are already doing such a good job at being a baby.

Everything went to hell after that. I don't know if it was from the epidural or what, but I started to feel like I was going to faint and then I lost my hearing. They quickly brought someone in with those smelly ammonia things, and I came to, but it was kind of scary. Then I had the shakes. Then I threw up. At this point, they took Henry to the nursery and they made it clear that my time in the delivery room was up. With the help of a nurse, we rolled my half numb body into a wheel chair and I went to my postpartum room. 

I have a lot to report on the postpartum recovery process, because it was lengthy and complicated. I feel that women need to know that for every story you hear about some woman jumping out of the bed and showering right after birth, that there is story like mine in which you can barely walk for a week. 

I want to say thanks for reading the story of Henry's birth, and for following along through my experience as a pregnant lady and new mom. As much as I complained about everything possible, I am so beyond blessed that I could get pregnant, never had any complications during pregnant, had a relatively easy birth, and now have a perfect little boy. None of that is lost on me. 

Last, but not least, here is a little video I made that features some footage from the actual birth. Enjoy!

You can read PART I of Henry's birth here. 

Love,

Lauren

You no longer "just" had a baby...

I always knew there would come a time when Henry was old enough that I couldn't rely on his newborn-ness as an excuse for not getting my ass in gear. Well, three months is officially it. I have already been working out since he was 8 weeks old, but the scale has not budged. Not one effing pound.

Breastfeeding is supposed to help the weight come off fast. SUPPOSED TO. I will read posters on mom forums that are like "help! I am losing too much weight! I had an entire tray of cookies today and I still lost weight! I'm starting to get scared." Whereas I had oatmeal, salad, and a lara bar in one day and gained two pounds. This has always been my big (and maybe only) struggle in life, and breastfeeding lied to me about making it easier. I will say that since my body hasn't been good at making milk, maybe it's connected to my inability to lose weight. Perhaps it's like my body can't figure out that there is a years worth of milk fuel in my thighs right now. Whatever.

I need to lost 30 pounds exactly to get to my pre-preggo weight. I worked my ass of for year to lose 15 pounds for our wedding, so I am expecting this to be quite the journey. What I did for the wedding was nine months of running and 1200 calorie diet, two months of mixed workouts and starvation, and one month of crossfit and paleo diet. I lost more in that last month than I did the other 11 combined. Unfortunately, crossfit is still just not feasible. It's like $175/month which was fine when I went 5 times a week. But considering I know I could realistically make it no more than twice a week, it's just too costly. And the paleo diet requires going to the grocery store and cooking almost every single day. That's definitely not happening with a baby this little.

So here's the plan...

And here are my current standings...

The first thing you'll probably see on my plan is Baby Boot Camp. I can't tell you how much I love BBC. It's like regular boot camp except you bring your baby and no one cares is your baby is crying or you threaten to spank your toddler. I was really concerned about not having "mom friends" once Henry was here because I am the first of my BFFs to have a baby. But BBC is daily interaction with really great women who also serve as my personal reference guides when I have questions about mom stuff. (When I have questions = always). 

The rest is pretty self explanatory. I do love the sworkit app for my iPhone. It's has really great randomized workouts that you can program and personalize. And don't you love my motivation jars? Totally ripped that off from pinterest. I will do my best to keep this blog updated with my progress, and I'll try to be less dramatic about it than The Biggest Loser.

Love,

Lauren

My first mom freak out...

(I'm not counting the time I accidentally overmedicated Henry and had to call poison control... He was fiiiiiiiiine.)

My baby has not gained any weight in a month. Not even one ounce. They're supposed to be gaining 5-7 ounces per week. So yeah, I feel like the worst mom ever.

Henry was a huge baby, and when your child is born big it somewhat freaks you out when they start to be in the "normal" range for weight. At his 1 month checkup he was 75th percentile, at 2 months he was 48th percentile... And now he is somewhere between 20-30th. I have tried to monitor his weight at home on our scale, but haven't been too religious about it because it means that I have to weight myself. Which is an entirely different post. Anyway, he would vary in weight on our scale, and even though everyone around me said not to worry, I made an appointment and we went to the doctor yesterday. Well I am glad I did because my baby could technically be categorized as showing "failure to thrive."

As you all know, I am breastfeeding. Henry has never had anything but breastmilk. All science everywhere tells us that breastfeeding is a gazillion times better than formula feeding, so that's what I have been sticking to. However, when your child is not gaining weight then it's time to reevaluate the pros and cons. Luckily, my doctor encouraged me to meet with a lactation consultant before supplementing with formula because it would be a very slippery slope that may result in not breastfeeding at all. My emotional commitment to breastfeeding left the building a long time ago, but I still believe there are a ton of benefits to be had in the next 9 months for Henry. If there is a way to still make breastfeeding work, I am willing to stick with it.

The lactation consultant came today and we talked about my boobs for an hour. (Apparently, I have fair-colored nipples. Cool?) Then she weighed Henry before and after a feeding to see exactly how much he was getting.

Her diagnosis is that Henry is basically too awesome of a baby to gain weight. Because he slept 5-7 hours at night from the day he was born, and starting sleeping 10 hours regularly after a month, he was missing a lot of feedings. And because he missed them, my body didn't build up a very good milk supply early on. I guess I figured he was making up for it during the day, and I just listened to the doctor when he said to let Henry sleep as long as he wants. On top of the sleeping, she said he is clearly very "laid back" because he only had 2.5 ounces from me today at the feeding, and then was a smiley happy baby who wanted to play. Most babies would still show signs of hunger.

So now, in an effort to increase my milk supply, I need to feed him one extra time a day as well as give him an extra bottle of pumped milk. Sounds easy enough, right? But the pumped milk basically has to come from times when I would otherwise be sleeping. Like last night I set an alarm at 3am to wake up and pump. It might not sounds THAT bad, but it's miserable.

My biggest concern is that Henry might not actually be my child. Can't gain weight? NOT INTERESTED IN FOOD? And the fact that he is laid back and not complaining all the time also raises an eyebrow.

He's too happy to eat I guess...

This is a little late, but Happy New Years to you all! Whether you read this blog because you like or because you hate it, I appreciate you stopping by! I hope that everyone has the best year ever in 2013!

Love,

Lauren

Things always get better...

People always tell me that "it gets better" but I seriously never believe them. From morning sickness to post partum swelling, I always convince myself that I am the universe's #1 most special case of every thing that's bad, ever. Although, I am still pretty certain that I was truly suffering from narcolepsy in my early 20s.

I was especially dramatic about breastfeeding. I even said it was ruining my life. Welp. That too has improved. My baby still screams about every 90 minutes during the day for food, and it still hurts... but somehow it's ok now. A little of it might be that he is is growing and becoming a better eater. He has more head control, can feed faster, and most importantly, he can unlatch when he is done. All babies should do the last one, but Henry had to be pried off with a crowbar.

We're still exclusively breastfeeding and he has never had formula. As much as I sometimes hoped there was a medical reason I could no longer breastfeed, this article always brings me back to why I felt so passionately about breastfeeding in the first place. Read it. 

As far as the "colic" goes, that is also better. Henry still likes to scream to prove his worth as a baby, but he has a much easier time being content. I think a big part of this is that he is starting to interact with the world much more. He looks at toys, he is smiling at us, and he is babbling his little baby head off. Basically, he will accept certain forms of entertainment now that distract him from how much he hates being a baby. Or maybe he is starting to like us more?

I would say he is still sensitive to being overstimulated (and he will always make us pay for it later), but it is getting better almost every day. So if I tell you that you can't hold him because he's already "had a big day," it is partially true and partially an awesome excuse to leave social functions early.

My favorite picture of him so far...

That's my hospital bag in the background. I think I will just keep it there until it's time for the next baby. 

Love,

Lauren

See you next Tuesday...

The C word. Not that one... the other one.

COLIC.

When I was pregnant, anytime I read stuff about colic I just skimmed over it because obviously that would never apply to me. My baby would be happy because... why wouldn't he be? Well. Here we are. I hate to even use the word, but I think our baby might have colic. Starting around 2 weeks, he would scream every night before going to bed, and seemed generally discontent when he was awake during the day. And since then, it has gotten worse building up to a 9 hour scream fest on Tuesday.

I'm not kidding. He cried and screamed for nine hours straight. Not sure how he even had the energy to do that, but between my mom and I, we couldn't do anything to calm him. This is really hard, by the way. Other than just being tiring and annoying, a sad baby really messes with your head... and I totally get why mothers of colicky babies are more vulnerable to post partum depression.

So we promptly went to the doctor yesterday. I think the appointment was moreso for me than him. I just needed some hope that this could be fixed. I was already worried that the doctor might blow me off and just be like "yeah yeah, witching hour, blah blah blah" and then what does Henry do? He laughs for the very first time. He laughed in his sleep and I let him know that laughing was not going to help mom convince the doctor that he had a medical issue. Luckily, the doctor really listened and went through all the things it COULD be, but that he thought it was probably either reflux or colic. He seemed to be leaning towards colic, but I am so glad he gave us a zantac prescription to try so that we could rule reflux out. He also mentioned that anymore he really only gets 1-2 real cases of true colic every year.

My heart sank. So out of the hundreds of babies he sees, I maybe just so happened to get the one that can't be happy? In the case that it IS unfixable colic (even though I don't really believe that colic is a "thing"), he suggested reading The Happiest Baby on the Block. I had heard of this book before, but never gave it much thought because there are a million different "make your baby happy" books, and I assumed they are all about as useful as a diet book. The idea behind The Happiest Baby is that babies have a calming reflex, and like any reflex, to trigger this one you have to do everything just right. So it gives you a very specific way/order to do all the things like swaddling and rocking so that the reflex is activated.

Well, I gave him the zantac yesterday and he pretty much slept the rest of the day (fine by me), and I spent my time reading as much of the book as possible. It got to be 10pm, and he still had not screamed once. Maybe the medicine is working!? Then five minutes later it started. Lots of screaming. So I swaddled the hell out of him and did everything the book told me to do. Like MAGIC, he calmed down and went to sleep in five minutes. And then he slept until 4am to nurse and went back to bed until 8am. Best night of my life.

I woke up feeling like a real person today. It was amazing... until I spilled the ENTIRE bottle of zantac. I've never felt like a bigger idiot in my life than when I had to call the pharmacy and explain what I had done. I've also never felt more panicked. OMG HE LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT CRY - GET ME MORE MAGIC DRUGS NOW!

Here's hoping that tonight will go as well as last night. Because I could really get used to a baby that likes me.

Before the intervention...

After...

Henry loves hugs by the way.

Love,

Lauren

My boobs (and my spirit) are broken...

Last night, I cried for the first time Henry was born. I know it's ok for new moms to cry constantly, but I have just been in survival mode - putting one foot in front of the other - with little time left for reflection. I am not the kind of girl that cries a lot in real life. (Although I cry constantly in my life as it pertains to watching commercials, tv, and movies). So for me to muster up some tears, I usually am at a place that's pretty grim.

If this sounds like an introduction to the "I have postpartum depression" conversation, it's not. It is however the beginning of the story called "breastfeeding is ruining my life."

That's obviously a hyperbolic statement, and my life is not ruined. In fact, I will readily admit that I basically have the easiest life ever. But, this shit is hard. And it makes me feel like a bad mom. Two weeks ago, I would have told you that breastfeeding hurts like a bitch and that it is way more difficult than I ever imagined. Of course, I never imagined that WE would have any problems. I read several books about breastfeeding. I watched youtube videos of strangers boobs in preparation. I spent the last 3 months of pregnancy with my iphone glued to my hand reading every baby forum on the internet. But about $200 on every breastfeeding product available and one visit from the lactation consultant later - breastfeeding isn't hard: it's traumatic.

There was/is nothing I feel more strongly about as a mom than the benefits of breastfeeding, so you can imagine that I have a huge sense of loss about not loving it. Yes, it is extremely painful for me. And at one month, it shouldn't be... especially when you've tried everything to make it better. But that's not what is making it awful. What is making me so upset is that breastfeeding is supposed to be an extremely sweet, loving, and bonding act between mother and baby. And it could not be further from that for me right now.

Sometimes, I even find myself getting mad at Henry for not latching properly or doing something that hurts me. MAD. At a BABY. Yeah, that's insane, right? And even if the feeding is only moderately painful, I find myself completely disconnected and just wanting it to be over. I even feel tempted to cut feedings short because I can't take the discomfort any more. Which, hello, you cannot do if you are trying to feed a baby solely on breastmilk. And on top of that, I am starting to have trouble satisfying Henry with enough milk.

So last night, I considered buying some formula for the first time, and even the thought of it sent me into a shame spiral of guilt and embarrassment. I am not implying that any mom that formula feeds should feel guilty, or that formula is in any way "bad" for your baby. But even the formula cans remind everyone that "breast is best" right there on the label. I was formula fed as a baby, and I turned out ok. It's just that knowingly/purposefully doing something that is "second-best" for your child can really make you second guess yourself. Am I trying hard enough? Am I just being a huge baby? Am I being selfish?

On the other side of the coin... Maybe I would be a better mom if I wasn't stressed out and unhappy every time my child was hungry? Maybe I could be more nurturing during feedings? Maybe Henry would have the fun, pleasant Lauren as a mom instead of crazy-ass, losing control Lauren? I sure as hell know I could sleep more, and be more emotionally available. Currently, 90% of my thoughts are focused on boob pain, when they should be focused on enjoying this fleeting time with our baby.

I went to HEB today. I bought some formula. We haven't opened it yet. Bad days are not the time to make big decisions, so I am holding off for now. I am considering trying to both breastfeed and formula feed. That way, Henry will still get the benefits of breastmilk, and I will get the benefits of a mental, pain-free break.

Let me remind everyone that breastfeeding is absolutely ideal for your baby's health and has a ton of benefits for mom, too. From the 9 million hours I have spent on the internet researching how to make this all better, I have learned that I am in a small minority of people that have this unsolvable pain issue. More importantly, I accepted the notion that you have to take care of yourself to be a good mom. I thoroughly rejected this thought before now. I strongly felt that you have to do what is always best for your baby, no matter what. Well, now I am realizing sometimes what is best is a middle-of-the-road combination of the baby's needs AND your needs.

A dramatic photo montage demonstrating what breastfeeding has been like so far...

Love,

Lauren