Happy 27th birthday to Mr. Turqandgold...

Today is my husband's birthday. He's the best. I feel like I have made that pretty clear round these parts, even if it's usually masked by pointing out one of his flaws. But truly, Tom is the man of my dreams. And for every time I tell him that he is the weirdest person I have ever met, I think to myself one hundred times over how lucky I am that he asked me to be his wife.

(That picture was taken on our honeymoon in Maui, and totally staged by me. I still laugh and pat myself on the back every time I see it.)

So happy birthday, babe! I will do my absolute best to go the entire day without telling you that you're annoying!

Love,

Lauren

Things I learned in birth class: American Apparel and birth educators are in cahoots...

I finally know why the leg holders on OBGYN chairs are called "stirrups"... Because that is the preferred dress code for vagina-related medical care...

I am totally on to this subliminal advertising for American Apparel... aka the only place that adult women can still buy unitards and stirrup pants. Who knew that pregnant women and hipsters were so like-minded in their fashion sense?

Full body unitard...

Or maybe lace would be better suited for labor...

Either way, I can't believe I have gone like 20 years without owning stirrup pants...

Overall, I really enjoyed the class. I have perhaps gotten a little carried away with birth preparation, so I kind of assumed that I would already know everything taught in the class. Well, I still knew everything, but it was presented with enough depth that I was engaged and interested. And it was nice to hear someone else present the information instead of reading it from my iPhone. 

At the beginning of the class, all the dads went to get birth balls (exercise balls) for the moms from another room. When they got back, the teacher mentioned that actually there was enough for the dads to get one too if they thought it would be more comfortable than sitting in chairs. No one said anything, no one moved, and before I looked at him, I knew Thomas would be like raising his hand for a special exercise ball to sit on. SO NECESSARY. He led the way, and all the dads ended up getting one to sit on, before I even had the chance to whisper "you DO NOT need to sit on an exercise ball." 

He was also the only dad to check his work email during the class. Not embarrassing at all. Later in the class, the guys had to sit behind us to practice relaxing breathing techniques. The lights were turned off, the ladies on the birthing balls, the guys behind us rubbing our backs. The teacher led deep breathing exercises, and she recommended that the guys do the breathing too because labor can also be stressful for them. My hilarious husband put his mouth like right up to hair and breathed as loudly as possible into the back of my head. Like deep grunts. So we were the a-holes in the class like giggling during the breathing exercises. Now do you get why I think I could benefit from a doula?

My favorite moment of the night was when Jose raised his hand to ask a question (in a very strong accent): "Are we going to talk about... like epidurals? I just had a friend... when I was younger... who told me that like... if you get a girl pregnant, don't let her have an epidural... because she'll like... really regret it later." I just love that he phrased it as "if you get a girl pregnant." From one teen dad to another, I am surprised by the meaningful insight that was passed along. I have a feeling that he and Mercedes are not married, and that they are very young. Either way, they were both super nice and managed not to giggle during the deep breathing exercises.

Me, ready to get my birth class on...

Love,

Lauren

Tonight is our first childbirth class...

... And I could not be more excited.

All I know is that we are supposed to bring 3 pillows and wear comfortable clothes. I am giving birth at a hospital that is not exactly the newest or most high-tech place in Houston (although it is where I was born), so I am expecting that Thomas and I, at 26, will be the oldest parents in the class. And maybe the only married ones. I also have a feeling that between the two of us, that Thomas and I are going to end up being strangely competitive with the other expecting couples. I don't know how you prove that you're the best at childbirth class, but I am sure we will forge a path. 

Love,

Lauren

Pregenezer Scrooge...

I'm not trying to be grumpy on purpose, I just literally cannot stop myself from being annoyed by at least 75% of the population at this point. Obviously, if you're reading this, I love you and you don't annoy me. But if you're not reading this, please do not make eye contact with me. Or try to sell me a cell phone plan in the middle of the mall. Or mess up my order at Taco Cabana.

If you are the group of teenagers that just moved in across the cove from our lake house, I hate you. Why are you so obnoxious? Why are you listening to Third Eye Blind so loudly? You were like 5 when that CD came out. WHY CAN'T YOU OBSERVE THE NO WAKE ZONE? Yes, I am pregnant and wearing a bikini. Deal with it. Why are you all so skinny? You are all tacky and again, I hate you.

Of course, within the first second of being annoyed by teenagers at the lake, I fully admitted how loud and inconsiderate my friends and I have been at the lake many, many times... and we were a lot older and much worse because we were old enough to drink. Plus, we were tons cooler and had even more fun which contributed to larger amounts of noise pollution.

Loud and proud...

Totally acting our age...

Shooting guns in the backyard - BECAUSE WE CAN...

I know what you're thinking, and yes, there is no better outfit than nike shorts and a northface fleece.

And for your viewing pleasure, here I am 28 weeks pregnant in a two piece...

And what the hell - here's a picture of Eleanor, too...

Love,

Lauren

Bye bye 2nd trimester... hello double chin...

It feels pretty awesome to know I am now in the home stretch, but 3 more months seems impossible. I can't imagine my belly getting any bigger. My nickname around the house is "humpty" - mostly because I wear a lot of white tshirts that make me resemble an egg.

Overall, I would rate that 2nd trimester as "very tolerable." I still had some weird things happen - like more morning sickness and crazy snoring - but I already regret not being more productive during those months that are relatively "easy."

So here we are, the third trimester. It seems like all of a sudden the baby is crazy active. I have been feeling him for over six weeks now, but this is different. I can tell that he is getting bigger. And stronger. And more pissed about how crowded it is in there. Thomas FINALLY felt the baby kick. It was one of those things that as soon as I would have Thomas touch, the baby would decide to take a nap. Or right when Thomas took his hand off for one second to scratch his nose, the baby would sneak in a jab.

In regards to the double chin, I mean I don't have a permanent one. But there is definitely some extra gobble going on. And it's making me snore which I haven't done since I had my tonsils out 20 years ago. Most mornings I am woken up by the sound of my own snorts.

In order to get some pictures into the post, here is what we've been doing this past week...

My brother and nephew came to town for a visit, and I took my nephew on a movie date to see Madagascar 3...

 The movie was good, not great. I don't really get into animated movies the same way other adults do. If you've seen it, my favorite part was when the lemur and the bear went on a date and "Ave Maria" was playing. After the movies, we went to academy to buy some baseball socks (Avery's request). Of course, they do not make them in 3 year old size, so they became baseball thigh-highs...

The main highlight of the weekend was a wedding for my brother's best friend, Clint. I have known Clint since I was in elementary school and he purposely called me "Laura" for about 8 years. We all had a good time. Here is my broham and mom...

 I tried to do a high bun ala Kourtney Kardashian, but it ended up looking a little more Cinderella-esque than I had planned...

This is for sure the best UT tower cake I've ever seen...

And here I am with mom and my bump. My non maternity dress worked out pretty good, but Thomas thought it was unfair that I told him he had to wear a suit when I ended up wearing sandals...

Meanwhile, at home, Thomas fell asleep watching an instructional golf video...

I spent all day making a red and blue cake (or pink and turquoise because they were out of the regular food coloring), and after icing it for 20 minutes, I knocked it on the floor. Luckily, it landed face up, so don't worry, I WILL STILL EAT IT. But I had to cut off about 20% and it is not quite the masterpiece I was hoping for...

Our firstborn Abbey tends to have anxiety from time to time that is mostly triggered by seeing people she hasn't seen in a while. She just like freaks. the. eff. out. With excitement. So we got her a Thundershirt for when we knew people would be coming over to help her calm down. Well, since buying the thundershirt, she developed an actual fear of thunder. Coincidence? There has been lots of rainless thunder in Texas this week, and the fireworks are helping either...

Happy early 4th of July! So far our only plans are making the dogs wear patriotic bowties for about three minutes. 

Love,

Lauren